


Sink or Swim

by akeijis



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Universe, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Shiro Birthday Exchange 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 09:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13831410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akeijis/pseuds/akeijis
Summary: A paladin pool party dredges up old insecurities, but Keith is there to help Shiro through everything.





	Sink or Swim

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for @ringlovdraws on twitter for the Shiro Birthday Exchange!

The room was filled with the sound of splashing and playful voices, and Shiro let out a slow breath, his chest rising and falling slowly as he let himself take advantage of the momentary peace.  Lance may have used the excuse of  _ team bonding  _ just to get Allura to agree to fix the pool, but honestly it was what they needed.  Months in space together with people all kept in close quarters could drive anyone crazy.  Taking a break every so often was good for them.  And honestly, Shiro really needed this. Needed the calm of lying beside a pool, listening to the sounds of the other paladins playing in the water.  If he closed his eyes, he could imagine he was still on Earth.  That he was simply taking a break from training at the Garrison and spending time with his friends.  He needed that illusion. 

The team may not have seen it, but he'd been so close to cracking.  

A small splash of water landed on his feet and Shiro peaked an eye open, looking down at the edge of the pool from his chair.  Keith had his arms resting against the tiled floor, the rest of him hidden beneath the water.  As Shiro watched, Keith scoped up more water and tossed it on his feet again.

“You okay?” he asked, pushing back from the wall for a moment to duck his head back under the water, smoothing his hair back when he resurfaced.  

Shiro smiled as he sat up, pulling down his shirt where it had ridden up on his stomach. Keith was tactful enough to not stare at his skin as he adjusted.  “I'm okay,” Shiro confirmed, swinging his legs around so his feet were on the ground and rested his elbows on his knees.  “You look like you're enjoying yourself.”

“I haven't been in a pool since I was a kid,” Keith explained.  He dipped himself back under the water just enough to fill his mouth with it.  He jumped as best he could and sprayed it towards Shiro. It missed, and Shiro laughed. Behind him, Lance was climbing out of the pool behind Hunk, the two of them lining up to jump back in at the same time.  “You don't want to come in?” he asked, pushing himself up to sit on the edge to watch them jump.

Shiro got up and went to sit beside him, letting his bare feet and calves slip into the water.  It was warm. 

“I think this is enough for me,” he said softly, and Keith nodded in understanding.  

“You're not going to join us?” Allura's head was bobbing in the water a few feet in front of them, her hair flowing out around her, making her look like a mermaid.  She dove back under, resurfacing to Shiro's left and resting an arm against the edge to keep herself up.  “It's really quite relaxing.”

Shiro laughed nervously, looking down at the water in front of him and then at the bathing suit clad paladins that were still in the water.  “I'm not sure my arm would do well fully submerged,” he offered as an excuse.

“I think it might actually do it some good!” Coran chimed in from where he was floating on a tube that vaguely resembled what on Earth they'd call a duck.  “Might loosen up any kinks.”

Shiro looked away toward Keith who was looking at him with concern. His stomach buckled, suddenly realizing that it wasn't just Keith looking at him, it was everyone, and he felt overly exposed. Pushing himself to his feet, Shiro shook his head.  

“I think I'll – ”

“Come on, Shiro! Get in the pool!”

A hand touched the his back, a wet hand that soaked through his shirt and reached his skin.  The hand was pushing him forward, and Lance’s laugh resonated in his ears as he slowly slipped from the edge.  

Before he could register what he was doing, Shiro was moving, his hand grabbing Lance under his arm and hurling him forward into the water.  He could heard Pidge laughing over the sound of his own breath coming short.  Panic was coursing through him. He needed to get out. 

Without a word, Shiro turned on his heel and left the room, his wet feet leaving small puddles behind him as he trekked back to his room.  His vision was tunneled and his heart was racing.  It wasn't a feeling he was unfamiliar with.  A lot of things set him off lately but usually he was able to deal with it in private.  Not in front of everyone where he seemed to be the center of attention. 

He reached his room quickly, closing the door behind him and falling back onto his bed.  He held his head in his hands, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself back down.  It wasn’t even the water that scared him.  The idea of removing his shirt, of letting the others  _ see _ him like that for the first time since he’d escaped captivity… It was more than he could handle.  Slowly, his chest began to rise and fall more slowly, his vision coming back to him and his heart settling back to normal cadence.

A knock came from the door, and Shiro peaked between his fingers in time to see Keith poke his head inside. He was still shirtless and in his swim trunks, with a towel draped over his shoulders.

“Shiro?” Keith said gently, as though worried he would startle him. “Are you okay?”

Shiro let out a breath of a laugh.  They both knew the answer to that question, he didn’t need to say it aloud.  Keith stepped inside and let the door close behind him.  He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and Shiro pushed himself up so they were shoulder to shoulder.  Shiro could feel the wetness that still clung to Keith’s skin from the pool.

There was silence for a few moments, before Shiro broke it with a shaky breath.  

“Sorry.”

Keith looked at him.  “For what?”

“I don’t know, throwing Lance,” he laughed, bitter and lacking any humor at all.  “Ruining the whole  _ team bonding _ thing.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Keith insisted.  “I thought you throwing Lance was pretty great.”

Shiro laughed again.  “You would.”

“Are you okay?” Keith asked again, a frown starting to tug at his lips.  Shiro didn’t want to look at him.  He was ashamed of himself for his breakdown.  He was ashamed that Keith felt the need to check on him.  

“It’s okay, you know,” Keith continued as though he knew what Shiro was thinking.  Shiro closed his eyes, not wanting and yet knowing he needed to hear what Keith was going to say.  Keith always knew what to say in these moments.  He was the only one who did, because he was the only one to see them.  “You can tell me if things aren’t okay.  You know that.”

“I know,” Shiro mumbled, his voice too unstead to speak normally.  “I  _ know _ . I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re  _ not _ stupid,” Keith cut in before Shiro had time to degrade himself further. “You didn’t want to swim, Lance shouldn’t have been a jerk.”  Shiro let out another half-hearted, humorless laugh, and Keith frowned.  “Unless it’s something else…”

Shiro didn’t speak.  He didn’t know what to say.  There were things he didn’t know if he could tell Keith, things he didn’t know if he should tell.  Despite how much Keith seemed willing to help him, Shiro wasn’t sure he wanted to put this on him.  Keith had his own problems, his own baggage, his own life to cope with.

“Shiro?”

He let out a breath.  

“There are thing…” he started, before paughing to try again.  “There are parts of me that I don’t want them seeing.  Parts of me that they won’t want to see.”  He didn’t know how to explain it.  He couldn’t find the right words.

“Those parts are still you,” Keith said quietly.  “No matter what they are, they’re you.  And we all love you, Shiro.  Nothing will change that.”  

A drop of water fell onto Shiro’s lap.  It wasn’t until he noticed the water stain that he realized it came from him and not Keith.  And once he realized it, he couldn’t stop more tears from following suit.  Keith’s hand was touching his shoulder, a gentle reassurance for him, and Shiro tried to concentrate on it instead of the streams of tears sliding down his cheeks.  

“You don’t have to be here,” he choked, overwhelmed and not really wanting Keith to see him.  “You should go enjoy the pool.”

“It was getting sort of boring anyway,” Keith insisted.

Shiro took a long breath, trying to get himself to stop crying.  “If I told you, you have to keep it between us.”

“Of course.” 

He nodded, and pushed himself up to his feet.  His hands were shaking, but if he was going to do this, it had to be now.  He was vulnerable, but he knew he could trust Keith.  He trusted him more than anyone else in the universe.  Slowly, Shiro began to pull off his shirt.  He hadn’t been fully shirtless in front of anyone since before his imprisonment, taking extra care to be sure that no one would see his chest.  

Scars crisscrossed his skin, reminders of the battles he was forced to fight in the Galra arena.  Burns marred his flesh from where the Galra had unceremoniously cauterized his wounds.  But worse than both those, was the Galra insignia that stood out harshly on his skin above his heart.  It was a brand, declaring him property and worth nothing more than entertainment.  It haunted him each time he saw it, a stark reminder of what he was, of what they made him.  

He turned, putting himself on display, his eyes closed so he wouldn’t have to see the disgust he expected on Keith’s face.

There was a pause, a moment of silence and stillness in which Shiro was sure Keith would get up and leave.  Leave him alone with his skeletons that he should have kept in the closet.  They weren’t meant to be shown. This was a mistake.

Arms wrapped around his chest, and Shiro gasped at the unexpected touch.  Keith hugged him tight, pressing his face into Shiro, and he couldn’t control the hitch in his breath. 

“Keith…”

“I love you,” Keith said, his voice wavering.  Those words weren’t unspoken between them before, but they still made Shiro’s heart leap up into his chest.  “These may be part of you, Shiro, but they aren’t  _ you _ .  They don’t define you.”

Shiro buried his face into Keith’s shoulder, trying to believe those words.  He knew better than to try and argue.  He always lost when he argued against Keith.  

“Thank you,” Keith added.

Shiro laughed, but it didn’t have the same bitterness to it now.  “For what?”

“Showing me.  You didn’t have to, but I’m glad you did.  You can’t deal with all this on your own, Shiro.  You don’t have to tell everyone, but you shouldn’t be going through this alone.”

After a sigh, Shiro nodded.  He was still crying, but it his breath had slowed.  Despite how hard this was, it did feel like a weight was off his chest.  Keith was right, even if Shiro didn’t want to admit it.  He didn’t have to do this alone.  

“There are still things I’m not ready to tell you,” he told him, pulling back enough to look down at him.  “I just… I’m not ready to – ”

“That’s okay.”  Keith smiled, his hand sliding gently up and down Shiro’s bare back.  “You don’t have to tell me everything now.  You don’t have to tell me at all.  Just  _ someone,  _ Shiro.  Someone at some point needs to know what’s going on, so that they can help you.”

Shiro nodded.  He may not know when he would be ready to share what else he was keeping hidden, but he did know who he’d share it with.  He buried his face into Keith’s shoulder again, raising his arms to hug him back, squeezing him tight.  

Keith laughed, squeezing him back.

“You know, next time we have a pool party, you can always swim in your shirt.”

Shiro smiled, nodding.  “Yeah.  Maybe next time I will.” 

  
  



End file.
